Well hello! It has been an awfully long time since I have done this. I miss it! I am currently sitting back in my dorm room, unpacked, 8 days before classes start of my last semester, and currently bored out of my mind. I can tell you what I should be doing.... studying for senior comps. Yup. Those are coming up next week. Yikes!! But, I am pretty confident that I should pass (prays). But seriously, I have been working on these things for most of my time here in college, so I should be alright. I think it is more the thought of actually having to take them, and the fact that they are the only thing between me and graduation. Once I pass those, I am ready to graduate! I think that's why I'm so nervous for them. I don't want anything to mess up actually graduating this semester. Anyway, I am just going to study my little heart out, do my best and trust that God will see me through.
It is my last semester in college. Every time I think it, write it, hear it, or say it, I get a little freaked out. Not that I'm not excited to be done, or that leaving college is a bad thing. It is in fact a very good thing to move on with one's life. It's just the thought that I will be going off into the unknown. Not sure where my first job will be, or if I'll even get a job right away. Will I be going home without a job? Where will I live? Will I go somewhere completely new with no one I know? Scary thoughts, right? I probably shouldn't even be thinking about it a lot right now, and just try to enjoy my last semester. But how can I when I don't know where I will be going when it is over? Don't get me wrong... I am not nearly as worried about it as I was last week. And I am praying about it all the time, and just trying my best to trust that God will reveal His plan to me and open the door that's right, and close the door's that aren't right.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am about to step out into the unknown, of bills, apartments, insurance, groceries, career, about anything you can name. But that's all part of the journey. And even though I am slightly terrified at the thought of leaving my safe bubble at college and going out into the "real world", I am also very excited to be moving on and trying something new. So bring it on, because it's all a part of the gift of life that God has given us, and I am so excited to be on this journey!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Everything Falls Apart...
I am taking the brief break I have to write this, simply because I feel if I don't get some feelings out, I may burst. There are 2 1/2 weeks left of this semester, and while I cannot wait to be done with it, I don't know how I'll make it through the next two weeks in preparation of finals. On finals week alone I have at least one test a day, and that includes the two days BEFORE finals even start. I also have many projects and compositions that are due very soon, and seem to lack the proper amount of time to complete them. And as if that wasn't enough, my hearing for my recital is at the end of finals week, which means all 8 of my songs have to be memorized and ready to go. And then after all that, then I have to study for finals. 24 hours in a day simply don't seem to be enough anymore; not to do all that needs to be done and still get the proper amount of sleep. I just don't know how to get through these two weeks and get enough sleep so I don't become deathly ill; because I tend to get sick very easily. I apologize to those of you who have already heard this because I tend to vent and complain a lot when I am stressed. I don't want to; it just tends to come out. I want someone to know how I feel, and to join in with me and encourage me. And amidst all of this, what happens to my relationship with the Lord? I want so desperately to spend time with Him every day, but where on earth can I find the time? There just doesn't seem to be enough time to even sit and breathe for two minutes. I sure hope that he understands why I can't spend time with Him. But my question is, even if He does understand, which I'm sure He does, is there any real excuse for me to not spend time with Him? Does completing projects and writing compositions and studying for finals really make up for not spending time with Him? I guess I just want to know that He understands and that He is gracious in letting us be apart for a few days; or a couple weeks. Yet, I know that when I go any significant amount of time without being alone with Him, I get very affected, and start to slip away. I guess for once I don't really know where I'm going with this post, or how to end it. I have no answers. I'm trying to take things one step at a time, but I just feel like I'm drowning. Like I'm being beaten on every side and can't seem to get back up. I have to believe though that God does understand, and that He is patiently waiting for me to get through these two weeks so that we can spend some quality time together. That is my hope and faith, and I will cling to that. And just maybe, I'll be able to find a half hour or so here and there to spend some time with Him. The song that I am listening to as I write this, is the song in the title, "Everything Falls" by Fee. I encourage you to listen to it. It helps me a lot when I'm feeling battered and bruised. Here is the chorus:
"When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone,
I find you mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on."
The whole song is absolutely wonderful, and in listening to it, and writing this rambling, venting blog, I'm already feeling a bit better. I believe as long as I continue to seek Him in other ways, and keep pushing through, towards Him, He'll be patiently waiting for me as I get through this crazy time. That is one thing I love about Him so much; that He is so patient. And understanding. And so loving. He's just cool like that. Well, my break is almost up. Thanks for bearing with me as I rant and ramble. One step at a time, on this crazy journey we call life.
"When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone,
I find you mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on."
The whole song is absolutely wonderful, and in listening to it, and writing this rambling, venting blog, I'm already feeling a bit better. I believe as long as I continue to seek Him in other ways, and keep pushing through, towards Him, He'll be patiently waiting for me as I get through this crazy time. That is one thing I love about Him so much; that He is so patient. And understanding. And so loving. He's just cool like that. Well, my break is almost up. Thanks for bearing with me as I rant and ramble. One step at a time, on this crazy journey we call life.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Name of the Game
What is the name of the game? Well, tonight it is procrastination. A deadly, deadly weapon. It lulls you into a false sense of security, just when you think you are in control of things. You think to yourself, "I have plenty of time. I think I'll just do it later, and nap. Or watch tv. Or not do anything." And then...... BAM! All of a sudden you are sitting there the night before your test, trying to cram all of the knowledge into your brain as you gradually fall asleep, hoping against hope that you will be able to remember more than half of what you've just learned; hoping that somehow, God will look kindly on you, and help you remember the things that you heard in class, but don't remember learning; hoping that you really do know more than you think you do.
How many of us do this? Show of hands anyone?? My hand is definitely raised WAY up. I think I probably do this almost every test. And after 3 1/2 years of college, I should know this about myself; that I procrastinate like nobody's business. And yet, I continually get lulled into that false sense of security, that looks so good on the outside, and sounds so wonderful at the time, but really is just a deadly trap. Granted, I've been blessed with the ability to cram and still do fairly well, and I actually have very good grades for how badly I procrastinate. I wonder if God really does look kindly on me and help me remember things I didn't even know I had learned. There are quite a number of times where I really don't do well at all, and it serves me right. Even if I do know that I am a decent crammer, I should never resort to doing that on purpose. I always have good intentions; I've even taken to mapping out a study plan; writing down what I'll study on which days. Now, don't get me wrong. A lot of the procrastination that has taken over me this semester has simply been business; I have 19 credit hours and am drowned in other things to do, as well as learning music for my recital and for jazz band. Yes, some of these are by choice (however, getting to 19 hours by having to take spanish was not a first choice... That was simply poor planning of my schedule in previous years). However, most of these are requirements; I simply have to do them. When I map out my study plan, it all sounds great; but then life tends to get in the way... I don't get enough sleep so I need a nap (or caffiene); I'm simply overwhelmed and just need a break; new homework that I didn't forsee has now popped up and is due before the actual test I need to study for; I only have THIS time for THIS assignment; I simply ran out of time.... I could on and on, but I'll spare you. There are just so many factors that play into this thing called procrastination.
Now you're probably wondering to yourself, "where is she going with all of this"? Well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure. I'm in a sort of rambling mood, and am frustrated at myself at procrastinating for the umpteenth time, and feeling the weight of the world as I sit and try to cram all of this knowledge into my head. I can't help but thinking, however, (brace yourself), is procrastination a sin? Now, I understand that there are times when we simply do need a break. I'm not saying that is wrong by any means. What person would be able to function for very long if they never took a break? But, hear me out, could procrastination be a tool of the enemy? It seems to have a lot of the characteristics of something that he would use: lures you into a false sense of security; puts off responsibilities for (usually) frivolous things; leaves you feeling anxious, stressed, worried; and, usually keeps you from a normal, healthy amount of sleep, which leaves you vulnerable to irritability, anger, outbursts, wrong attitudes, and even more anxiousness and worry. To me, these all sound like something that the enemy would use against us. Now, please don't get me wrong; I am not saying that watching television, or taking a nap, or taking a break is wrong. We all need those things. Well, maybe not the television part. But in order to take our focus away from the One that it needs to be on, and the responsibilities that have been given us, it sounds to me like the enemy uses procrastination as a tool to get us focused on other things just long enough to make the responsibilities seem like an extremely larger load than they really are, which (usually for me, at least) definitely takes my focus away from where it should be.
I wish I had a great solution to give you. But, in all reality, most of this blog really is just me rambling and posting ideas that I'm having as I'm trying to figure out how to live, and how to make it on this journey we call life, on my way to heaven. I also want to help you, whoever you are that is so kind to take the time to read this. I'm in no way judging; most of this is really for myself. But I do want to help others, and help raise awareness of things that I think we take for granted, or are possibly not aware of. I hope that through this we (especially me) can be more aware of this, and really take it to heart and think and pray about it, so that maybe the next time we're tempted with turning on the tv and putting off that homework that really won't take as long as we think it will (or even the homework that will take hours, practice,etc.), we'll think twice; and just maybe, we'll take another step forward on this journey.
Grace and peace
How many of us do this? Show of hands anyone?? My hand is definitely raised WAY up. I think I probably do this almost every test. And after 3 1/2 years of college, I should know this about myself; that I procrastinate like nobody's business. And yet, I continually get lulled into that false sense of security, that looks so good on the outside, and sounds so wonderful at the time, but really is just a deadly trap. Granted, I've been blessed with the ability to cram and still do fairly well, and I actually have very good grades for how badly I procrastinate. I wonder if God really does look kindly on me and help me remember things I didn't even know I had learned. There are quite a number of times where I really don't do well at all, and it serves me right. Even if I do know that I am a decent crammer, I should never resort to doing that on purpose. I always have good intentions; I've even taken to mapping out a study plan; writing down what I'll study on which days. Now, don't get me wrong. A lot of the procrastination that has taken over me this semester has simply been business; I have 19 credit hours and am drowned in other things to do, as well as learning music for my recital and for jazz band. Yes, some of these are by choice (however, getting to 19 hours by having to take spanish was not a first choice... That was simply poor planning of my schedule in previous years). However, most of these are requirements; I simply have to do them. When I map out my study plan, it all sounds great; but then life tends to get in the way... I don't get enough sleep so I need a nap (or caffiene); I'm simply overwhelmed and just need a break; new homework that I didn't forsee has now popped up and is due before the actual test I need to study for; I only have THIS time for THIS assignment; I simply ran out of time.... I could on and on, but I'll spare you. There are just so many factors that play into this thing called procrastination.
Now you're probably wondering to yourself, "where is she going with all of this"? Well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure. I'm in a sort of rambling mood, and am frustrated at myself at procrastinating for the umpteenth time, and feeling the weight of the world as I sit and try to cram all of this knowledge into my head. I can't help but thinking, however, (brace yourself), is procrastination a sin? Now, I understand that there are times when we simply do need a break. I'm not saying that is wrong by any means. What person would be able to function for very long if they never took a break? But, hear me out, could procrastination be a tool of the enemy? It seems to have a lot of the characteristics of something that he would use: lures you into a false sense of security; puts off responsibilities for (usually) frivolous things; leaves you feeling anxious, stressed, worried; and, usually keeps you from a normal, healthy amount of sleep, which leaves you vulnerable to irritability, anger, outbursts, wrong attitudes, and even more anxiousness and worry. To me, these all sound like something that the enemy would use against us. Now, please don't get me wrong; I am not saying that watching television, or taking a nap, or taking a break is wrong. We all need those things. Well, maybe not the television part. But in order to take our focus away from the One that it needs to be on, and the responsibilities that have been given us, it sounds to me like the enemy uses procrastination as a tool to get us focused on other things just long enough to make the responsibilities seem like an extremely larger load than they really are, which (usually for me, at least) definitely takes my focus away from where it should be.
I wish I had a great solution to give you. But, in all reality, most of this blog really is just me rambling and posting ideas that I'm having as I'm trying to figure out how to live, and how to make it on this journey we call life, on my way to heaven. I also want to help you, whoever you are that is so kind to take the time to read this. I'm in no way judging; most of this is really for myself. But I do want to help others, and help raise awareness of things that I think we take for granted, or are possibly not aware of. I hope that through this we (especially me) can be more aware of this, and really take it to heart and think and pray about it, so that maybe the next time we're tempted with turning on the tv and putting off that homework that really won't take as long as we think it will (or even the homework that will take hours, practice,etc.), we'll think twice; and just maybe, we'll take another step forward on this journey.
Grace and peace
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
This Is Where the Healing Begins
So it's been quite awhile since I've written. Man I miss it. I've been putting it off for a variety of reasons... from being incredibly busy, to I've had something on my mind that I haven't had words for, so I've just put it off. However, I don't think this blog will be about the subject that's been heavy on my heart, but now that I'm writing again, it will come soon. It won't be easy to write, and probably even harder for you to read; but I really hope you do. Anyway, we'll get into that (hopefully) next time.
Life has been so crazy this past month. For starters, its already the 9th of November. What?! Where did the time go?! My last fall semester is almost over... Mixed feelings on that one. I am very ready to be done with the school chapter of my life, but the reality of having to move on, and that my life is about to drastically change yet again, is scary. I'm glad I still have some time before this happens, but with how fast time is moving now, I can bet that the remaining time will go very quickly. I've had so many things happen this past month or so, and God has been moving in so many good ways! Yeah, I've had a lot of down times in this past month too. But through it all, I have come to notice (however small it may be), an underlying sense of peace. That everything really IS going to be okay. That God really IS here. That He really DOES love me. And that He really IS in control, and that He will not change no matter what happens to me or in my life. That, is an incredibly awesome feeling to know and have.
Today, we had another one of our Kingdom Come services that happens once a month. It is a time of worship, stories, and in the end, sending us back out into the world, encouraged and refreshed. While they all have been fabulous, (I mean come on, we're together just worshiping God.. what could be better?!) tonight was especially AMAZING. It was like we were on another level of worship and oneness with God. Especially myself. I couldn't get enough. I never wanted it to end. I could feel the presence of God probably thicker than I had ever felt it, and I never wanted it to go away. Sometimes I go so long without feeling something like that, that I am surprised and amazed every time at how wonderful it feels. Now I understand that we were not made to be able to stand that kind of feeling forever. Not in these earthly bodies anyway. But is it wrong to wish it would never go away? In His presence, I feel safe. I feel like I (with His help) can do anything. Face anything. Be who He wants me to be. I am reminded of what He went through to give me the freedom to be in the place, and I am reminded (and learn a little bit more each time) of how much He loves me. Why does it have to end? In a way, I'm beginning to see that it doesn't have to. Granted, we can't stay in that state of euphoria forever. Our earthly bodies can't physically handle it. Well that sucks. But, the good news is that we can be constantly searching for those moments. If we are doing that, I'm starting to believe that we will have those euphoric moments. If we're seeking God's presence, then we're seeking Him; we want to be with Him. Now if someone is wanting to be with you that much, wouldn't you want to spend time with them? Well, I definitely believe He wants to be with us more than anything, and to make us aware of His presence. He does not want us to feel alone. Also tonight, I felt like I couldn't raise my hands high enough. I almost climbed on my chair just so I could be closer. (Well "closer", I guess. His presence is all around us, but we won't get into that now). I just wanted to touch Him... to feel Him.. to be wrapped in His arms and for Him to never let me go. I also couldn't sing loud enough. I wanted Him to hear me. To hear me from my heart, my soul, my gut. To know that everything I was singing was true. That I meant it with all of my heart. I wanted to please Him with beautiful melodies, and with the gift of the voice He's given me as a singer. I just simply couldn't get enough. This afternoon I was spending some time with the Lord, and I had my music on in the background. I was reading in Matthew chapter 11, which I've read numerous times before. But something happened as I was reading it this time. As I was reading, the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North came on, even though I didn't realize it until about halfway through. As this song came on, I was reading these verses: "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" 28-30. Great words. They always have been, they always will be. But as I was reading, I was reminded of when I read these exact words while I was in Thailand, and I began to remember that I had learned something significant, but had forgotten about. I have a study Bible, so I again read what is written about those verses, and was reminded of what I had learned in Thailand, and was reminded anew of the truth it held. What does taking on Jesus' yoke mean? Being a Christian is hard.. extremely hard. Basically, what the study part says is that, Jesus didn't promise us an easy or luxurious life. But He did promise to give us help. If we take His yoke, then we are partnering WITH Him, and the weight, or burden, is now falling on stronger and bigger shoulders than our own. WOW! Does that blow your mind as much as it blows mine?! And all of these realizations occurred while that song was playing, even though at first I didn't hear the song. But as the words of the chorus came on, "This is where the healing begins, this is where the healing starts", I was blown away again. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my previous posts, but in the past months I have been broken to pieces by God, in a refining process, and felt like I was just laying there, waiting to be put back together, but not knowing how. And the realization that the words of Jesus is where the healing beings hit me (more now than at that moment), but in that moment, I realized that healing is coming, and this is where it starts. "When you come to where you're broken within, the light meets the dark". I've been broken, and I've realized, admitted, and accepted it, and now it's time for the healing to being. Wow. God is SO good! It may take awhile, and more things may need to be broken, and it may hurt worse than it ever has before; BUT, I truly do have the promise that the healing WILL come, and to that I will cling, as I continue on this journey.
Life has been so crazy this past month. For starters, its already the 9th of November. What?! Where did the time go?! My last fall semester is almost over... Mixed feelings on that one. I am very ready to be done with the school chapter of my life, but the reality of having to move on, and that my life is about to drastically change yet again, is scary. I'm glad I still have some time before this happens, but with how fast time is moving now, I can bet that the remaining time will go very quickly. I've had so many things happen this past month or so, and God has been moving in so many good ways! Yeah, I've had a lot of down times in this past month too. But through it all, I have come to notice (however small it may be), an underlying sense of peace. That everything really IS going to be okay. That God really IS here. That He really DOES love me. And that He really IS in control, and that He will not change no matter what happens to me or in my life. That, is an incredibly awesome feeling to know and have.
Today, we had another one of our Kingdom Come services that happens once a month. It is a time of worship, stories, and in the end, sending us back out into the world, encouraged and refreshed. While they all have been fabulous, (I mean come on, we're together just worshiping God.. what could be better?!) tonight was especially AMAZING. It was like we were on another level of worship and oneness with God. Especially myself. I couldn't get enough. I never wanted it to end. I could feel the presence of God probably thicker than I had ever felt it, and I never wanted it to go away. Sometimes I go so long without feeling something like that, that I am surprised and amazed every time at how wonderful it feels. Now I understand that we were not made to be able to stand that kind of feeling forever. Not in these earthly bodies anyway. But is it wrong to wish it would never go away? In His presence, I feel safe. I feel like I (with His help) can do anything. Face anything. Be who He wants me to be. I am reminded of what He went through to give me the freedom to be in the place, and I am reminded (and learn a little bit more each time) of how much He loves me. Why does it have to end? In a way, I'm beginning to see that it doesn't have to. Granted, we can't stay in that state of euphoria forever. Our earthly bodies can't physically handle it. Well that sucks. But, the good news is that we can be constantly searching for those moments. If we are doing that, I'm starting to believe that we will have those euphoric moments. If we're seeking God's presence, then we're seeking Him; we want to be with Him. Now if someone is wanting to be with you that much, wouldn't you want to spend time with them? Well, I definitely believe He wants to be with us more than anything, and to make us aware of His presence. He does not want us to feel alone. Also tonight, I felt like I couldn't raise my hands high enough. I almost climbed on my chair just so I could be closer. (Well "closer", I guess. His presence is all around us, but we won't get into that now). I just wanted to touch Him... to feel Him.. to be wrapped in His arms and for Him to never let me go. I also couldn't sing loud enough. I wanted Him to hear me. To hear me from my heart, my soul, my gut. To know that everything I was singing was true. That I meant it with all of my heart. I wanted to please Him with beautiful melodies, and with the gift of the voice He's given me as a singer. I just simply couldn't get enough. This afternoon I was spending some time with the Lord, and I had my music on in the background. I was reading in Matthew chapter 11, which I've read numerous times before. But something happened as I was reading it this time. As I was reading, the song "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North came on, even though I didn't realize it until about halfway through. As this song came on, I was reading these verses: "Come to Me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" 28-30. Great words. They always have been, they always will be. But as I was reading, I was reminded of when I read these exact words while I was in Thailand, and I began to remember that I had learned something significant, but had forgotten about. I have a study Bible, so I again read what is written about those verses, and was reminded of what I had learned in Thailand, and was reminded anew of the truth it held. What does taking on Jesus' yoke mean? Being a Christian is hard.. extremely hard. Basically, what the study part says is that, Jesus didn't promise us an easy or luxurious life. But He did promise to give us help. If we take His yoke, then we are partnering WITH Him, and the weight, or burden, is now falling on stronger and bigger shoulders than our own. WOW! Does that blow your mind as much as it blows mine?! And all of these realizations occurred while that song was playing, even though at first I didn't hear the song. But as the words of the chorus came on, "This is where the healing begins, this is where the healing starts", I was blown away again. I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my previous posts, but in the past months I have been broken to pieces by God, in a refining process, and felt like I was just laying there, waiting to be put back together, but not knowing how. And the realization that the words of Jesus is where the healing beings hit me (more now than at that moment), but in that moment, I realized that healing is coming, and this is where it starts. "When you come to where you're broken within, the light meets the dark". I've been broken, and I've realized, admitted, and accepted it, and now it's time for the healing to being. Wow. God is SO good! It may take awhile, and more things may need to be broken, and it may hurt worse than it ever has before; BUT, I truly do have the promise that the healing WILL come, and to that I will cling, as I continue on this journey.
Monday, October 18, 2010
A Day in the Life
So today has been busy. I have been pretty much running around since I got up this morning at 8am. It is now 10:07 pm, and I am just now getting a break. Now, it's time to relax before bed, when I get to wake up even earlier, and I get to start all over again. Now, to some people, what I'm about to share may seem very trivial, but to me, it's my life, and this is what I do from day to day.
A typical day in my life consists of hitting the snooze button at least twice, usually three times, getting ready, dragging myself to my first class, (sometimes peppier than others), and simply trying to make it to lunch. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have chapel, which is a nice break from normal life. After lunch, my day consists of more classes, practice, homework, all the way (usually) up until dinner. Then it's dinner, (4 out of 5 weekdays) where I eat quickly, and then run off to the next thing. Either: Choir (Mondays), Spanish class (Tues and Thurs) or church (Wed). Then, after whichever event I come back from, it is usually time for more homework, and hopefully some relax time, before it's time to go to bed, and start it all over again.
Yes, I am busy. I don't think I've ever been quite this busy in my whole life. Not even when I worked two jobs. And all of this is excluding a job, and I even left out social events. Add those in there and it's hard to squeeze much else in. So, where am I going with this? Well, where does God fit in to this crazy schedule? That may seem like a horrible question, but seriously; when you are running around from the time you get up til the time you go to bed, sometimes taking the brief free time to take a nap because you were up too late the night before working on something, how do you fit a relationship with God in? I'm lucky to be able to socialize with the physical beings sharing my room. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I don't want a relationship with Him. I do. With all my heart I do. Most days I just want to quit everything so I can just sit down and spend time with Him, and get to know Him better. While there are days where I don't feel like it, (and in what relationship does that ever NOT happen?) but most days I do. But through all of this, I'm starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, if I put Him and our relationship first, just maybe, everything else would fit in better? Just maybe, if I took time to be quiet and alone, diving into His Word to see how to live and to learn more about my Maker, and spent time talking with Him and listening, just maybe, I wouldn't be so stressed out and would be more productive in my study and practice time, because I've been refreshed and renewed by my Maker. Just maybe, life would be a little bit easier. Now, this isn't always easy. I am not in any way, shape, or form a morning person. As much as I love starting out the day with Him, it is so hard for me to get up, especially when I am not getting enough sleep as it is. I'm not saying I have the answer to this either. This is simply me spilling out my thoughts, new things that are coming up as I am on this journey, figuring out how to live. For example, today I was reading in the book "Reaching for an Invisible God" by Philip Yancey, and I learned something amazing. While I have been sitting around asking God why He couldn't just show up and give me some big amazing sign, God has been sitting here, waiting to share His power with me, in the form of His Holy Spirit. While that is just a rough paraphrase, (and I encourage whoever reads this blog to read that book) it was something that just threw me for a loop! The God of the universe, my Maker, wants to share His power with me. Wow! But more on that book in another blog post.
It's time to wrap it up for the night. I hope in some way this has served to inspire you, or help you somewhat. Thank you to whoever reads this. I'm glad you are interested in what I have to say. Have a wonderful night. God bless!
A typical day in my life consists of hitting the snooze button at least twice, usually three times, getting ready, dragging myself to my first class, (sometimes peppier than others), and simply trying to make it to lunch. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have chapel, which is a nice break from normal life. After lunch, my day consists of more classes, practice, homework, all the way (usually) up until dinner. Then it's dinner, (4 out of 5 weekdays) where I eat quickly, and then run off to the next thing. Either: Choir (Mondays), Spanish class (Tues and Thurs) or church (Wed). Then, after whichever event I come back from, it is usually time for more homework, and hopefully some relax time, before it's time to go to bed, and start it all over again.
Yes, I am busy. I don't think I've ever been quite this busy in my whole life. Not even when I worked two jobs. And all of this is excluding a job, and I even left out social events. Add those in there and it's hard to squeeze much else in. So, where am I going with this? Well, where does God fit in to this crazy schedule? That may seem like a horrible question, but seriously; when you are running around from the time you get up til the time you go to bed, sometimes taking the brief free time to take a nap because you were up too late the night before working on something, how do you fit a relationship with God in? I'm lucky to be able to socialize with the physical beings sharing my room. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I don't want a relationship with Him. I do. With all my heart I do. Most days I just want to quit everything so I can just sit down and spend time with Him, and get to know Him better. While there are days where I don't feel like it, (and in what relationship does that ever NOT happen?) but most days I do. But through all of this, I'm starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, if I put Him and our relationship first, just maybe, everything else would fit in better? Just maybe, if I took time to be quiet and alone, diving into His Word to see how to live and to learn more about my Maker, and spent time talking with Him and listening, just maybe, I wouldn't be so stressed out and would be more productive in my study and practice time, because I've been refreshed and renewed by my Maker. Just maybe, life would be a little bit easier. Now, this isn't always easy. I am not in any way, shape, or form a morning person. As much as I love starting out the day with Him, it is so hard for me to get up, especially when I am not getting enough sleep as it is. I'm not saying I have the answer to this either. This is simply me spilling out my thoughts, new things that are coming up as I am on this journey, figuring out how to live. For example, today I was reading in the book "Reaching for an Invisible God" by Philip Yancey, and I learned something amazing. While I have been sitting around asking God why He couldn't just show up and give me some big amazing sign, God has been sitting here, waiting to share His power with me, in the form of His Holy Spirit. While that is just a rough paraphrase, (and I encourage whoever reads this blog to read that book) it was something that just threw me for a loop! The God of the universe, my Maker, wants to share His power with me. Wow! But more on that book in another blog post.
It's time to wrap it up for the night. I hope in some way this has served to inspire you, or help you somewhat. Thank you to whoever reads this. I'm glad you are interested in what I have to say. Have a wonderful night. God bless!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Day One
Hello to whoever is reading this! I'm glad you think my life is interesting enough to read about. ;) This is mostly personal, since I think it is good to get thoughts out and written down, and sometimes even public. This blog is basically going to be just me sharing my journey. This journey that I'm on, this life I'm living; on my way to Christ. It's an every day up and down struggle, but through it all, I know that if I give my all to God, He will see me through. I will also be posting any songs or lyrics that I write on here. Really, I just want to share my journey with any and all who choose to read this and keep up with me. I would also love to hear your stories. If anything is ever moving, touching, something you can relate you, or if you have any questions, please feel free to comment. I would love you hear from you :). This journey is meant to be shared, for none of us can make it alone. And we weren't created to be alone. In the beginning of Genesis, God even said that it was not good for man to be alone. So how can any of us think for one second that this life is better lived alone, or living not close to anyone, never letting anyone in? I am here for each and every one of you, at any time. I hope my stories, and my journey, can be of help to you in some small way. That's all for tonight; I hope to start tomorrow. Maybe start from the beginning. Who knows? You'll never know what will happen... on this journey. :)
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