I am taking the brief break I have to write this, simply because I feel if I don't get some feelings out, I may burst. There are 2 1/2 weeks left of this semester, and while I cannot wait to be done with it, I don't know how I'll make it through the next two weeks in preparation of finals. On finals week alone I have at least one test a day, and that includes the two days BEFORE finals even start. I also have many projects and compositions that are due very soon, and seem to lack the proper amount of time to complete them. And as if that wasn't enough, my hearing for my recital is at the end of finals week, which means all 8 of my songs have to be memorized and ready to go. And then after all that, then I have to study for finals. 24 hours in a day simply don't seem to be enough anymore; not to do all that needs to be done and still get the proper amount of sleep. I just don't know how to get through these two weeks and get enough sleep so I don't become deathly ill; because I tend to get sick very easily. I apologize to those of you who have already heard this because I tend to vent and complain a lot when I am stressed. I don't want to; it just tends to come out. I want someone to know how I feel, and to join in with me and encourage me. And amidst all of this, what happens to my relationship with the Lord? I want so desperately to spend time with Him every day, but where on earth can I find the time? There just doesn't seem to be enough time to even sit and breathe for two minutes. I sure hope that he understands why I can't spend time with Him. But my question is, even if He does understand, which I'm sure He does, is there any real excuse for me to not spend time with Him? Does completing projects and writing compositions and studying for finals really make up for not spending time with Him? I guess I just want to know that He understands and that He is gracious in letting us be apart for a few days; or a couple weeks. Yet, I know that when I go any significant amount of time without being alone with Him, I get very affected, and start to slip away. I guess for once I don't really know where I'm going with this post, or how to end it. I have no answers. I'm trying to take things one step at a time, but I just feel like I'm drowning. Like I'm being beaten on every side and can't seem to get back up. I have to believe though that God does understand, and that He is patiently waiting for me to get through these two weeks so that we can spend some quality time together. That is my hope and faith, and I will cling to that. And just maybe, I'll be able to find a half hour or so here and there to spend some time with Him. The song that I am listening to as I write this, is the song in the title, "Everything Falls" by Fee. I encourage you to listen to it. It helps me a lot when I'm feeling battered and bruised. Here is the chorus:
"When everything falls apart, Your arms hold me together.
When everything falls apart, You're the only hope for this heart.
When everything falls apart, and my strength is gone,
I find you mighty and strong. You keep holding on, You keep holding on."
The whole song is absolutely wonderful, and in listening to it, and writing this rambling, venting blog, I'm already feeling a bit better. I believe as long as I continue to seek Him in other ways, and keep pushing through, towards Him, He'll be patiently waiting for me as I get through this crazy time. That is one thing I love about Him so much; that He is so patient. And understanding. And so loving. He's just cool like that. Well, my break is almost up. Thanks for bearing with me as I rant and ramble. One step at a time, on this crazy journey we call life.
