Right now as I write this I feel that I have stumbled onto another piece of the puzzle of trying to figure out what it is God wants me to do with my life. Well, for those of you who do not know, I finally realized after months of freaking out about what to do after school, that I didn't have much of an idea of what God wanted me to do. So, let's back up to the end of the school year.
As my last semester of college was drawing to a close I did not have a job, nor any prospects of a job. I had no clue what I was going to do or where I was going to go. For the past four years I have been convinced that becoming a worship leader is what I was supposed to do. So I studied Music Ministry at MNU for four years. Only now, I've come to realize that I'm not even sure if that's what God wants me to do. I know I am called to use music as a ministry tool, so I'm thankful that I did not waste four years of my life earning a degree I had no intention of using. However, I am not sure if worship leading is the path that God wants me to take; at least not in a church setting. That is really scary because I was so sure; maybe I had just convinced myself that was the path because it seemed like the easy answer when people asked me what I was going to do with my degree. So I graduated without a job, without any clue as to what I was going to do, other than move back home and try to pay the bills. For as long as I was scared, God did get me into the place where I actually became excited about that, because now every door was open; there were so many possibilities. So, for the time that I have been home, I have been seeking the Lord with a new approach: simply trying to get to know Him. While we were in Germany, the brother of a choir director that we were working with said to us, "If you want to know God's will for your life, get to know God". That seems like such a simple thing, but one that we don't normally take into account. Another revelation I had while in Germany, was that I feel called to use my music to somehow aid in helping those caught in the human trafficking industry. For those of you who do not know, I went on a missions trip to Thailand last year to work with an organization over there that aids in helping these kind of women. Before I realized this, it felt like the last two missions trips I had been on seemed so random and at opposite ends. Human trafficking and music ministry. I'm not sure if any two things could be farther apart. Yet, as odd as it seems, I feel the Lord leading me in a direction where those two will connect somehow.
To the present, I feel like I have found another piece, perhaps the biggest piece. I am not going to reveal it yet, seeing as how I have not even told my parents about it yet. Let's just say that it has always been a dream of mine since a was a little kid, one that I was sure could never happen. One I thought I was silly for dreaming about. But even though it's rooted from a childhood dream, who says that kids can't know exactly what it is they want to do for the rest of their lives? Who says that God doesn't speak to children about what His purpose for them is through what they are passionate about when they are young? I have a friend who shares my heart in how we want to raise our kids, and figuring out what our kids passions are and then helping them pursue those things are one of the ways we want to raise them. Unfortunately, this is a dream that seems very far out of reach right now. A lot of hard work and money are going to have to be put into it before it may become a reality. And it may take a long time to see it become reality. Yet, I trust that if this is what the Lord wants for my life, then He will help pave the way for it to happen.
I'm still not sure what the next step is, yet I know that if I continually seek the Lord then He will provide the answers. I believe this dream that has been there since childhood is there for a reason, because it is what I have always been passionate about. So that's why I titled this entry "Don't Give Up", because right now it seems so far out of reach, but if it is what the Lord wants, then it will come. Patience is a part of the journey. Right now God is asking for my patience as He works out the details of His plan for me. And I am so excited to see what is next!!!
