The Name of the Game

What is the name of the game? Well, tonight it is procrastination. A deadly, deadly weapon. It lulls you into a false sense of security, just when you think you are in control of things. You think to yourself, "I have plenty of time. I think I'll just do it later, and nap. Or watch tv. Or not do anything." And then...... BAM! All of a sudden you are sitting there the night before your test, trying to cram all of the knowledge into your brain as you gradually fall asleep, hoping against hope that you will be able to remember more than half of what you've just learned; hoping that somehow, God will look kindly on you, and help you remember the things that you heard in class, but don't remember learning; hoping that you really do know more than you think you do.

How many of us do this? Show of hands anyone?? My hand is definitely raised WAY up. I think I probably do this almost every test. And after 3 1/2 years of college, I should know this about myself; that I procrastinate like nobody's business. And yet, I continually get lulled into that false sense of security, that looks so good on the outside, and sounds so wonderful at the time, but really is just a deadly trap. Granted, I've been blessed with the ability to cram and still do fairly well, and I actually have very good grades for how badly I procrastinate. I wonder if God really does look kindly on me and help me remember things I didn't even know I had learned. There are quite a number of times where I really don't do well at all, and it serves me right. Even if I do know that I am a decent crammer, I should never resort to doing that on purpose. I always have good intentions; I've even taken to mapping out a study plan; writing down what I'll study on which days. Now, don't get me wrong. A lot of the procrastination that has taken over me this semester has simply been business; I have 19 credit hours and am drowned in other things to do, as well as learning music for my recital and for jazz band. Yes, some of these are by choice (however, getting to 19 hours by having to take spanish was not a first choice... That was simply poor planning of my schedule in previous years). However, most of these are requirements; I simply have to do them. When I map out my study plan, it all sounds great; but then life tends to get in the way... I don't get enough sleep so I need a nap (or caffiene); I'm simply overwhelmed and just need a break; new homework that I didn't forsee has now popped up and is due before the actual test I need to study for; I only have THIS time for THIS assignment; I simply ran out of time.... I could on and on, but I'll spare you. There are just so many factors that play into this thing called procrastination.

Now you're probably wondering to yourself, "where is she going with all of this"? Well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure. I'm in a sort of rambling mood, and am frustrated at myself at procrastinating for the umpteenth time, and feeling the weight of the world as I sit and try to cram all of this knowledge into my head. I can't help but thinking, however, (brace yourself), is procrastination a sin? Now, I understand that there are times when we simply do need a break. I'm not saying that is wrong by any means. What person would be able to function for very long if they never took a break? But, hear me out, could procrastination be a tool of the enemy? It seems to have a lot of the characteristics of something that he would use: lures you into a false sense of security; puts off responsibilities for (usually) frivolous things; leaves you feeling anxious, stressed, worried; and, usually keeps you from a normal, healthy amount of sleep, which leaves you vulnerable to irritability, anger, outbursts, wrong attitudes, and even more anxiousness and worry. To me, these all sound like something that the enemy would use against us. Now, please don't get me wrong; I am not saying that watching television, or taking a nap, or taking a break is wrong. We all need those things. Well, maybe not the television part. But in order to take our focus away from the One that it needs to be on, and the responsibilities that have been given us, it sounds to me like the enemy uses procrastination as a tool to get us focused on other things just long enough to make the responsibilities seem like an extremely larger load than they really are, which (usually for me, at least) definitely takes my focus away from where it should be.

I wish I had a great solution to give you. But, in all reality, most of this blog really is just me rambling and posting ideas that I'm having as I'm trying to figure out how to live, and how to make it on this journey we call life, on my way to heaven. I also want to help you, whoever you are that is so kind to take the time to read this. I'm in no way judging; most of this is really for myself. But I do want to help others, and help raise awareness of things that I think we take for granted, or are possibly not aware of. I hope that through this we (especially me) can be more aware of this, and really take it to heart and think and pray about it, so that maybe the next time we're tempted with turning on the tv and putting off that homework that really won't take as long as we think it will (or even the homework that will take hours, practice,etc.), we'll think twice; and just maybe, we'll take another step forward on this journey.
Grace and peace